Resist criticism: when and how to do it

I’M NOT SURE THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE CRITICIZED. And yet, where there is smoke, there is often a fire, which means that, in every way, there is usually something wrong that can be improved.
So why do we take criticism so personally?

There is a wide range of factors that respond to this; however, too wide a range to cover here. But, we tend to feel criticized if we feel personally attacked; Beneath that, of course, is a whole world of our past (and those unreconciled hurts) that often clouds our own response. And this happens on many levels, often below what we are aware of.

Criticism has a role if we allow it. But in order to safely accept that there is almost a whole world of reprogramming, we need to undertake the transformation of our thinking.

First, it is recognized that security means protection. We must not allow ourselves to be senselessly criticized and destroyed emotionally and spiritually, either in the person’s approach to us or in our approach to what they say to us.

And yet, when it comes to protection, God is that to us. If we have an identity ‘stuck’ on it, we are safe, simply because with it nothing else matters that much.

Here we can afford to be wrong. In fact, we accept that we will often be wrong despite our best efforts. With God we can truly accept this. And this is emotional and spiritual freedom from the stinging fear of criticism.

The truth is that we know that eventually, even routinely, we will be criticized. We need a way to deal with it effectively. This suggested form allows the criticism to take place – in fact, as mentioned, it’s going to happen anyway – but it does enough room so that we experience the security of God to protect us.

This comes from an identity fused in him; that we will never be perfect and we will make mistakes… also that we are apprentices all our lives; each one of us. This is a great and powerful truth that we really need to take up and make our own!

When to resist criticism…

There are times when we should not trust people.

There are those, it is fair to say, who take the opportunity to criticize us (and our response is covered above). To live this life effectively we must have the moral courage to accept this criticism, in general.

There are, however, also those who abuse criticism – these have the critical spirit alive, kicking and kicking within them. Criticism is part of their own identities. These people are determined to bring others down and this is due to their own rampant sense of insecurity and fear; we might even be surprised to find out what kind of positions these people have in life, and how they got there is anyone’s guess.

Of these, protection is simply avoidance, wise avoidance. This is not avoidance at any cost. It is a wise avoidance to minimize exposure. It’s a distrustful, yet honorable and respectful avoidance, which is not only okay; it is actually backed by God.

This is the intuition of discretion that we employ here. Biblical characters like Joseph and Mordecai were masters at it. It is good to do a study of them to harvest these empowering skills.

When we step back in these situations, we can see the abuser. Actually, they are scared little creatures, so we can even feel compassion for them; I mean, who would want to be in his shoes?

© 2010 SJ Wickham.