Women make a conscious effort to respond sexually

Men are naturally more proactive as lovers than women. Men stimulate their partner because they get aroused by touching, kissing and penetrating their lover’s body. Their sexual desire focuses them on penetration and the act of thrusting until ejaculation. Women do not have the same benefit. Women have to make a conscious effort to provide a lover with sexual pleasure.

A dog runs after a ball not because dogs have developed an interest in chasing balls, but because the ball emulates the behavior of small mammals that dogs used to hunt for food. When we throw a ball to a dog, it acts as a stimulus that makes the dog chase it and perhaps retrieve it. In nature, the ball is a rabbit, and the dog catches the rabbit to eat it. There is a parallel in sex because sexuality encompasses more than reproduction.

The sexual game involves a woman throwing the equivalent of a ball for the man. It’s lonely; she is the ball! A man wants to emulate the conquest of catching a woman and forcing himself on her. The moans and facial expressions of the porn actresses are based on the scenario of resistance. However, men expect their wives and girlfriends to provide them with the same arousal naturally. They don’t appreciate that everything is an act from the female perspective.

A virgin lies inert during intercourse anticipating that something will happen as if by magic. When nothing happens, she can choose between remaining apathetic or feigning some kind of enthusiasm. Both social and sexual interaction depend on the active interest of the participants. The problem is that if a woman lies inert, her lover realizes that her efforts do not excite her. He loses confidence in her performance and concludes that because she doesn’t appreciate his making love, she can’t love him.

When she’s a virgin, a woman has no idea what a man wants. She leaves him to go through the motions. The man provides the stimulation and she just goes along with what he does to her. When a man is a virgin and has sex with a sexually experienced woman, she can guide him. But she doesn’t have her own sexual needs for her. She simply provides what she has learned that men like.

Women have no natural response to consensual sex, which provides little sensation. But men seem to need a response from a partner. So an experienced woman moves her hips and makes a little noise to help with male arousal. She does this because she loves a man and wants to help him achieve sexual liberation from him, or she does it because she believes she should or because she is paid to act as the proactive lover.

Although a woman may initially offer sexual pleasure, her enthusiasm tends to wane over time due to the effort involved and the fact that she gets very little erotic return. Since she is not aroused by a lover, a woman can only respond to her partner’s initiative. She does this mechanically (in the case of the prostitute or disenchanted sexual partner) or more ideally because she is motivated to demonstrate her love for a partner.

A receptive woman who has already experienced orgasm alone is surprised when she has sex for the first time. Intercourse is totally different from masturbation. There is no mental excitement. During masturbation, a woman’s mind is completely absorbed in the action of a fantasy. She is unaware of the real world around her. She experiences arousal and orgasm in a very personal and private surreal world. But sexual activity with a lover has none of this subconscious self-absorption. A woman’s mind is fully aware all the time. Even the kinds of activities that she might engage in in her fantasies have no erotic meaning in the real world.

Sex is trivial when a woman is in love, but it becomes more onerous over time. Young women are more enthusiastic about sex because of the novelty, romance, and ego. There is hope that orgasm will eventually happen. Men make little effort to provide a romantic introduction to sex once they’ve found a partner. A man assumes that a woman will continue to provide sex on an ongoing basis once she is in a relationship. He believes that he has conquered her, so he does not need to invest to keep her. Men instinctively know that a woman’s love for her partner keeps them tied to a relationship.

With all the fiction surrounding women’s sexuality, it’s important to appreciate that female sexuality hasn’t evolved solely for the purpose of gratifying the male ego. Women can’t respond a certain way simply because men would like them to (unless they’re pretending, of course). Female sexuality has evolved to maximize the chances of successful reproduction. Part of this success can be attributed to women’s ability to consciously behave in a way that is pleasing to men. Specifically, women can provide erotic arousals that help with the male orgasm, which is the goal of reproduction and intercourse.

There is nothing wrong with a woman faking an orgasm if her partner expects her to. What a woman decides to tell her partner is up to her. A woman may comfort herself with the belief that she experiences orgasms that reflect male fantasies. But it is vital that other women know that there are no facts or logic to support these fictitious answers that some women believe they have.

I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be satisfied if we only had sex when I wanted it. I’ve had to learn that it’s not all about me. Sometimes I wish it were, but it isn’t. (Valerie Harris2012)