surviving the holidays

It was the night before Christmas, and in your entire space, not a counter was clean, everything was out of place. The stockings were not carefully hung over the fireplace, since you have spent all day looking for them and they are nowhere to be found. No one was snuggling up comfortably in their beds as there was a lot going on in the way everyone slept in the cloaks. Neither of us could find the scarf and the cap, we were both so stressed that at any moment we could break. When such a crash was heard on the roof, I tripped over six piles to see what was happening. I flew like lightning to the window, the shutter was broken and so was the frame…

We hope you like our funny parody of a wonderful old holiday poem. Unfortunately, many people don’t find much joy in the hustle and bustle of the holidays. Somehow, the holidays tend to take over us, trapping us stressed and overwhelmed. There are visions of tables that would rival Martha Stewart’s and food that is not only tasty, but coordinates with the color theme of the occasion. The holidays bring out great ideas in all of us. We catch ourselves thinking, “if only I had more time”, “if only I had more money”, “if only I worked a little harder”, “this is the year I’m really going to…”. Does any of that sound familiar?

Thanksgiving and Christmas are a myriad of complicated events. No other holiday throughout the year has as much pomp and circumstance associated with it. They are so close together that Thanksgiving seems to be the precursor to Christmas stress. And, most stress is self-induced. It seems like we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make Christmas cards, buy the best gifts for everyone, get all the decorations out early, throw school parties for the kids, buy unique and amazing gifts for teachers for $10 or less, attend lots of festivities. Christmas. , experience the spiritual events leading up to Christmas, make the most fabulous and tasty Christmas treats and so on. I’m tired just thinking about it!

Why can’t we just let it all go? Would there be a cosmic disturbance if we didn’t send cards this year? Would children be scarred for life if we only took out half of the Christmas decorations? Would our social life collapse if we just said ‘yes’ to one or two Christmas parties? Why all the pressure?

Watching TV last night reminded me where some of the pressure comes from. There was an ad for a local department store. The models wore matching Christmas outfits, lounged on beautiful new furniture with a paisley blanket, and admired all their new gifts in their masterfully decorated bedroom. It was a perfect vacation. I don’t know about you, but when we open presents at my house, I’m barely awake, my hair doesn’t look so perfect, I’m wearing my old comfy robe and sitting on our used furniture. Not the vision of perfection, but ideal for us. Is it less festive because we don’t look like perfection in the commercial? My vision of perfection is not what my family looks like, but how the holidays make us feel. It doesn’t take much effort on anyone’s part to feel important at Christmas, to feel loved and special.

I grew up in a modest home. Every year, my sister and I waited with anticipation for JC Penney’s thick holiday catalog to arrive. We would turn each page imagining what wonderful toy we would receive from Santa. When Christmas came around, the catalog pages were torn, the corners bent, and the book looked tattered. That was part of our vacation ritual. We knew we wouldn’t get every toy in the catalog, even though we did pick a lot. I also remember that we used the same decorations every holiday and put them in the same place. Some of the decorations were made by my sister and I, and we were very proud to put them out every year. It was part of our vacation. It’s what we did.

How can we make our vacations meaningful and stress-free at the same time? The following is a list of five tips that will reduce stress during this busy time of year.

1. Let go of great ideas. Making your Christmas cards individually would be truly amazing, however do you want to spend so much energy and time on something that is usually thrown away when the holidays are over? You don’t need to make your dining table look like a magazine. Allow your kids to make their decorations and centerpieces and then you can cross that off your to-do list. Also, consider hiring help. Have someone put up your decorations, lights, prepare your food, etc. Allow someone else to help you, so you can enjoy your vacation.

2. Strive to complete, not perfect. Flylady (http://www.flylady.com) has a theory that a job not done perfectly is still a job done. His thinking is that the end result is a finished job, not a job done perfectly. Both Lori and I get asked a lot “is your house perfect all the time?”. We both have children, so obviously the answer to that is “no.” We both also understand that our bottom line is always organization, not perfection. We strive for that in our work and in our personal lives. We always encourage that of others as well. Striving for perfection takes too much time and energy, and seems to leave things undone because they can’t always be done perfectly.

3. Plan your month. Traditions, memories, warm feelings of love are all things that people try to create during the holidays. Unfortunately, somewhere in the middle comes parties, shopping, and lots and lots of stress. Try to come up with a plan at the beginning of the month for how you are going to handle some specific stressors, like decorating the house inside and out, shopping, all the parties, etc., so that you are not yelling at the family when things go wrong. You get up at the last minute and you’re not ready. It takes some discipline, but having a plan for this busy time will force you to be more prepared.

4. If something goes in, something must come out. This is a constant rule of ours and it especially applies to this holiday. Seeing our children’s faces when they open a gift they have been looking forward to is a wonderful feeling. We all want to provide for our families and give them the things they want. We also want to be able to walk in your game rooms and weeding is needed after the holidays. It is much easier for children to drop things when they see the pile of new things. So many people are in need this season and your discarded toys would make another kid’s season that much brighter.

5. Breathe. It sounds cliché but it works. Lori and I have been working with Robin Schmeerbach, a St. Louis Certified Nia Brown Belt Instructor and Holistic Personal Trainer. She has been helping us come up with some training techniques to help improve our minds and bodies. We recently worked on breathing. None of us was aware of how we breathe. Robin informed us that Lori is a typical chest breather, and I am a mix of chest and belly. “Becoming aware of our breath connects us to our autonomic nervous system, which creates a deep state of relaxation,” says Robin. We don’t really think about the actual act of breathing, it’s just something that happens. Robin has been showing us how to become conscious. Consciously breathe deeply and slowly and visualize our lungs filling with air and then letting the air out. This new awareness of our breathing helps us in all aspects of our lives, especially in stressful situations.

It is possible to make our vacations meaningful and less stressful. Letting go of things that aren’t so important is vital to an easier vacation. Using the steps above as guidelines for coping will serve as a good foundation.

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