Should Valentine’s Day really mean flowers and candy?

I just got an email from someone who has been dating a girl for about three weeks, and with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, he doesn’t know if he should treat her to a nice romantic dinner or if a couple dozen roses will do the trick. . the trick. My question to him is: why either?

We’re talking about a ‘relationship’ (if you can call it that yet) that hasn’t even gone a full month, and already, this guy is positioning himself as a bored, pathetic, needy punk. All because a certain day of the calendar year tells you to.

Valentine’s Day carries with it an inherent ability to really push the “boy woos girl and, as a result, you have to do your best to please her” mentality. Sadly, this concept has infiltrated pretty much every corner of America, and there don’t seem to be any signs of this changing anytime soon.

Less than four weeks after dating, many people automatically feel this tremendous obligation to act in a certain way. They are basically intimidated by the socially imposed standards of our society to stretch beyond the point of their own internal comfort. They are asked to be someone they really are not. And what they don’t realize is that by holding themselves to this false standard, they are failing a very important test in the process. They are lowering their value to unrecoverable depths and behaving in a way that screams “I’m not good enough.”

To set the record straight, my issue with Valentine’s Day isn’t the fact that women in this dynamic end up being treated well. Both parties MUST treat each other well. Otherwise, what’s the point of being with someone? My problem, instead, is the implication that the guy in this dynamic isn’t worthy of being in this relationship on his own merits. His value is so low that he must put it down by using flowers, sweets, expensive dinners or anything else of material value.

In effect, the guy must ‘buy’ his place in the relationship. And as soon as you approach things from that perspective, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any other normal day of the year, you weaken your status, become much less attractive in the eyes of your partner, and usually end up being little dumped. after.

The way I see things, if you really WANT to go out and spend a lot of money on Valentine’s Day, then more power to you. As I often say in my CreateYourCharisma.com newsletters, the true path to being charismatic, attractive, and someone who magnetically attracts others is to be as congruent as possible with your own inner preferences. And if that includes emptying your wallet on a specific day of the calendar year… let’s say February 14, for example… then go ahead.

But trust me when I say that you really should refrain from such behavior if you don’t think the other party has earned it yet. It doesn’t matter if it’s Valentine’s Day, your birthday, Christmas or anything else. If you don’t feel like the other party has taken an important enough place in your life, then don’t send a mixed signal indicating that.

Engaging in this kind of desperate puppy, mama’s boy behavior when it’s not really a reflection of who you are, it’s really just another way of compromising your own principles, lowering your worth, and forfeiting your right to be as a result. in the relationship in the first place. After all, you must be someone who can be respected.

Now I’m not the first person to say this. And it’s a pretty safe bet I won’t be the last. That fact in itself tells me… how should I tell you… that people just aren’t paying attention. They are continually repeating the same mistakes over and over again. They are leaving them in the worst way. And they wonder why.

So this Valentine’s Day, give with YOUR heart. Not from society. Not from Hallmark. Not your older sister’s (who happens to be dragging her husband along on a leash). If you are truly worthy of another person’s company, then your company alone should be good enough for that person. And that’s true whether you come with 4 dozen roses or just one. It’s true whether you’re paying top dollar for a fancy meal or just jumping in for the next round of drinks. Nothing is worth anything if the person who gives it is not worth something for himself.

So this February 14, remember that your true gift is your time and attention. Because you really can’t put a price on making someone feel good about being around you. Charismatic, valuable and attractive people know this. That’s what makes them so charismatic to begin with.