My 18 month delivery

Every time I read something about the joys of motherhood that focuses on both pregnancy and the precious first few days, weeks, and months, a small part of me cringes. After years of trying to conceive, we were faced with the decision to go down a complicated path that would put us in a more advantageous position to possibly conceive (a dubious proposition at best), or we could adopt and know we would definitely have a little boy.

We chose adoption…and we’ve never looked back.

However, the vast majority of endearing blogs and articles about motherhood emphasize the pregnancy part. The feeling of the baby kicking, the months of waiting, the breastfeeding once the baby is born.

So, for all my fellow moms who had a baby through adoption, here is the list of experiences we can finally relate to. Here is our testimony of the determination to make to have a baby.

1. Push and push. The joy and anticipation of holding that bundle of joy is preceded by the most invasive list of conditions known to man. First there are the exams…physical, mental/emotional and even financial. Next come fingerprints (local, state, and federal) and FBI background checks. After that comes home visits from the social worker, then child services, who want to check that you have (of all things) the right kind of locks on your doors, and finally the fire department, who wants to see your plan. escape in case of fire. of all the rooms in the house, as well as the 50,000 fire extinguishers and emergency stairs that are mandatory.

2. One photo counts… By presenting your life story in one 20-page photo, all you can do is hope that you’ve chosen the right photo, the right vacation photo, the right caption for each snapshot. Then the concern arises: do we look funny? Do we look too funny? Do we seem excited or desperate? Does our home and lifestyle seem comfortable or do we seem pretentious and trying too hard? Does my hair look weird in that photo? Oh shit, she’s gonna hate my hair! Who wants a woman with hair like that to raise a child!!! Oh, that’s just a shadow… Wait, what’s that on my face?!

3. Excitement and Devastation. Once you finally drop the profile and it’s sent out to agencies and birth moms across the country, you get phone call after phone call with opportunities…which are then followed by phone call after phone call saying someone else (was the hair, right?), or that the adoption failed. And suddenly you’re right back where you were when you were trying to conceive, with loss after loss and failure after failure. All you can do is try, wait and cry.

4. Pure joy. The day. The day you found out you were going to be a mother. (Mine was July 12). You got the call that they told you something. YOUR! Of all the profiles in the whole world, they are yours. And, in three, five, seven months, you are going to be a mother. Once again, all you can do is wait and cry.

5. Oh… My… God! I’m going to be a mother… in three months. All that preparation. All that planning, production and poking around and here it is. Just three short months, her child will be in her arms. Crap! Do I tell someone? I have a shower? What happens if it falls? I don’t take a shower and just buy the essentials myself: the crib and car seat? What if something goes wrong and I have to go through that crib day after day? Ok, car seat yes, crib no.

6. The call. Of all the moments in my life, whether it’s my husband proposing to me, being offered my dream job, or even getting the call that my dad died suddenly, nothing will compare to our birth mother calling me to tell me that Kennedy was here. . Please come to Philly. From a simple image, I fell in love like never before.

7. The first kiss. The jitters of walking into your hospital room after a hectic 2 hour commute, preceded by an even crazier packing session (what does one wear to meet their daughter!) when you have no idea how long you’ll be out and What time will it make. like where are you going Then the conflicting emotions of meeting her birth mother for the first time (incredible gratitude and anguish for her all at the same time), which are quickly overwhelmed by tears that just won’t stop running down her face as she holds her daughter in your arms. and kiss her sweet face.

And you know, for the first time, why you didn’t get pregnant. Because your son was not born yet. I just needed you to have a little patience because, after all, perfection takes time.