Losing a loved one: grief and memory loss

About 3 months before writing this article, I lost my father to cancer. We were very close. However, even more difficult was trying to comfort my Mother who had enjoyed a loving marriage for 50 years. Since this was my first experience with the loss of a parent, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect regarding the emotional phases we would go through as a family. Sure, there were many emotions to be expected, such as deep hurt, sadness, and even anger. (The Many Phases of Tort One Usually Expects)

What I didn’t know were some of the other symptoms that would manifest shortly after the loss of a loved one, such as memory loss. This was not only somewhat of a shock to me on how to deal with this for my mom, but it was made even more difficult when I realized that she was having the exact same symptoms. This can be quite frightening when one notices that it seems to continue and then wonders if it will ever stop.

If you are (or know someone who is) experiencing this issue, there is some good news that I am happy to report…

After dealing with this with both my mother and myself, the decision was made to seek help from the mental health community regarding this. The first thing that was at least comforting to know is that this symptom is totally normal. The amount of time this can go on is very different for each person, but one thing we were assured is that it won’t last forever and will work as soon as the mind is ready.

My first question upon learning of this symptom was “Why is this happening?” I was told that this is a natural defense system in the brain that works to numb the senses and help with the mental healing process.

Sure enough, just after 3 months, I’m happy to report that the constant forgetfulness is slowing down and I’m getting much of my memory back. I have also seen a great improvement in my mother.

So if you are having this problem, rest assured that this is only a temporary condition. The loss of a loved one causes many different symptoms for each person and we all deal with grief in different ways, so don’t think you are losing your mind. It’s just a natural healing process, things will get better!