Let’s not forget the new parents

When a new baby arrives, the focus is on the new mother and child, caring for them and attending to their needs. And that is understandable. Everyone wants to see and hold a new baby, check on the new mom, and make sure everything is going well. The flurry of activity from an ever-changing variety of people in attendance, including midwives, mothers, sisters, and friends, can mean the house is crowded and the new parent can feel almost redundant.

But men also experience a radical change in their circumstances after becoming fathers, and one in ten is diagnosed with some form of postpartum depression. It is likely that the birth has turned their lives upside down. There is often support, at least in the beginning, for a new mom, for when she feels insecure, overwhelmed and out of her mind, which may cause her to worry and become immersed in caring for the baby and herself. Consequently, her partner’s registration can sometimes be inadvertently suspended.

– Several men have said how hard it was for them to bond with their new baby. While the mother has approximately nine months to connect with the life growing within her, the new father can only truly appreciate that the child is a reality once he is born and becomes a physical presence in her home. .

– It’s not uncommon for men to say how overwhelmed they feel when faced with a helpless crying baby. They worry about hurting him, don’t know how to engage and interact with him when he’s not ‘doing’ anything, and often find a baby quite an unnerving presence. The men I spoke to felt they had very few outlets where they could discuss their concerns. Many found themselves having only brief conversations with friends or family, feeling disinclined to reveal too much about their personal apprehensions due to reluctance about how they would be perceived.

– Some men reluctantly said that after pregnancy they saw their partner in a new light, especially if they were present at the birth. Singer Robbie Williams described the birth of his son as “watching his favorite pub burn down”. It can be a shock for a man to see her partner giving birth, not knowing how to support her, seeing the pain she may be in, while witnessing the actual birth. Then I feel bad, guilty, ashamed for having affected me so much.

– It is inevitable that the couple’s relationship changes in practical terms. From being free agents, able to do whatever they want whenever they want, their schedules suddenly look haphazard, totally taken over as they focus entirely on the newest addition to the family. And the home suddenly seems cluttered with baskets of lotions and potions, a pram, a crib, children’s clothes and paraphernalia everywhere. Apparently a small baby needs rooms full of “stuff” to hold them up. Thus, the home becomes a nursery.

– The notion of free time, extra money, spontaneous breaks and free time should generally be set aside, at least for the first twelve months, especially if the baby is being breastfed and you need to establish a regular sleep routine. A new mom often needs time to work her way into this different role, to adjust physically and emotionally, to feel more like herself again. Her hormones need time to readjust, her body may have changed after the pregnancy and this can cause her worry and even anguish. It is possible that she needs the love and reassurance of her partner in order to feel confident and confident in herself, that she is still interesting and attractive.

– The financial balance of the relationship often changes as well, regardless of what has been discussed and agreed beforehand. A new mother’s focus may become less career-oriented, more home-based, while the new father may also find that her priorities have shifted, juggling the desire to spend less time at work and more. at home.

– This often results in men finding themselves torn between their old lives of adventure vacations, fancy dining and golf pulling against the desire to become a good provider, someone whose goal is a nice home in a smart neighborhood, with good education. Suddenly life is more serious and adult, with the desire to succeed and do well in his career and be a good family man. Hopefully, it is possible to accommodate both.

– Sexual intimacy may take a while to resume. Men may be wary of taking the initiative when initiating sex, as they don’t want to appear insensitive. A difficult pregnancy and delivery may have resulted in physical changes and even pain, which needs time to heal. Plus, sleepless nights and the exhaustion of dealing with a new baby can mean that bedtime for both of you is entirely focused on sleep and little else. Making time to talk, cuddle, and be loving are important ways to reconnect and enjoy this next phase of your relationship.

– Being sensitive to what is said and what is not said, accepting that some decisions made before the baby may need to be modified or changed are two other important considerations to support the transition to a positive parenting experience when becoming a parent.

Men and women face different challenges as they adjust to life as new parents, challenges that some people seem to handle comfortably. For men, getting used to being a father, perhaps receiving less physical, emotional and sexual attention, may take a while to adjust, but making time for each other, enjoying each other’s company, finding time to discuss each other’s needs another can provide mutual support in this next stage of life, so that both feel equally involved in the new family.