Help children cope in a healthy way

Parents want to protect children from pain and suffering.

However, when a loved one dies, parents, close friends, and

Acquaintances often don’t know how to handle this.

loss and what to say to a child.

Is it appropriate to allow a 4-year-old to see grandma?

dead? What if a classmate dies?

What if the beloved babysitter leaves or is fired? Loss can

include the death of someone a child knew well, or a pet,

moving house and losing friends, separating parents, or

older siblings leaving home.

Children are often excluded from loss of processing by not

to be allowed to see, feel and be with loss or death. They

they need an explanation, an acknowledgment that they too can

feel deeply. By including bereaved children, they gain

emotional intelligence. Family grief is to unite and

cicatrization. If you have trouble doing this, ask for help from

an experienced complaint counselor.

I remember a client who grew up in Africa and he told me how

he secretly cried for his black babysitter, who was fired

without prior notice. She had been the only woman who had ever shown

his love and kindness. She disappeared from her overnight

life without a trace.

It can be our discomfort and difficulty in dealing with our own pain.

that prevents us from being present with our

kids. There is no right or wrong way to cry, it is

a very personal experience.

My youngest son was 13 when my husband’s father died. Hears

He was the only child at home at the time. When we get the call

that grandpa died, we just packed some clothes, got into the

car and started driving. We got to his house a little after two

hours later. Grandpa was still sitting in the chair where

he died, his body was still a little warm around his back. Tea

fluffy cat was sitting on her lap.

He hadn’t thought about the duel before and how he would speak

to my son. I knew that many of my clients had blocked

the pain of loss somewhere in their bodies and this

it affected his well-being many years later.

I wanted it to be meaningful to us and emotionally

precious experience.

We hugged as a family, we kissed Grandpa goodbye. What came

spontaneously it was that despite a cold night, we stayed awake

Most of it. Wrapped in blankets we sat in the room with

grandfather and talked about life and death. We cry holding

each other and we smiled remembering how much we had liked

your company.

My son wanted to know about my grandparents, what happened

when they died and what happened to funerals, rituals and

how we cope. We talked for a while, we sat in silence, we hugged and

cried. Neither of us were willing to leave the room to go to bed.

What happens to us after we die? I spoke openly about myself

understanding and explained that he would have to seek

and find out what was true for him.

Tonight he gave us something invaluable.

In the morning, Grandpa began to smell like the dead, he was

obviously no longer with us. We could say

goodbye when the funeral director came to pick him up. Tea

the funeral had to be arranged. Comfort came from touch and

Knowing that we would come out of this together as one

family.

The perception of a child

Children have strong feelings and will show you

differently at different ages.

They also interpret what we say in their own logic.

Here are some examples of how a well-intentioned adult can

Causing enormous stress on a child by wanting to give

comforting words.

“God called you daddy to heaven” The child’s logic: “Yes God

called dad, when does he call my mom or even me? ”

“He passed away peacefully in his sleep” Child: “I don’t

I understand, does it mean that this can happen when I go to

to sleep? I am in danger? “This child can struggle to go to sleep.

and having nightmares.

“We lost her, she left.” Child: “Maybe we will find

she or she will come back if I’m a good girl. ”

“At least he’s at peace now.” Child: “It must be my

Guilt, I’ve been fighting her If i was better

person, she wouldn’t have died … ”

It’s easy to see how many misunderstandings occur

unwittingly.

Accessing buried trauma with Kinesiology

In my work as a kinesiologist, I help clients discover

and process unhealed life experiences that are preventing

them to be fine in the present tense.

Each being remembers events with a strong emotional feeling.

component. The body knows how we handle it, though

we may not be able to access and talk about it

consciously. Kinesiology techniques, using body feedback,

Allow you to find the blocks that are now preventing you

be healthy and happy. The intention is to find a

specific sequence of support for the person to activate

your innate ability to heal. We are balancing physical,

nutritional, emotional and energy problems, releasing

stress and body strengthening. Kinesiology offers

methods of accessing unhealed emotional wounds from the past

gently and allows the release of trauma and stress

associated with it. I use a process called “age recession”

to visit the time in the past, where we feel traumatized.

The balancing process is smooth, using many

tools, including seeking a new perspective, acceptance, and

making amends, acupressure, color, sound and touch.

One of my first kinesiology clients suffering from chronic conditions

fatigue syndrome was a 13-year-old girl.

proven that you do not have the will to improve in a

subconscious level. When we explored it, she blamed herself

for the death of his Nana, who had died many months

earlier. Once we uncover the misunderstandings and

allowed him to be vulnerable, feel and talk about it, the

the healing could begin. She hadn’t cried and the family was in

so much pain at the time, that no one had noticed or been

able to pay attention to the enormous anguish that this girl

experienced.

Sometimes supporting a child during grief is too big of a task.

demand of a father who is also grieving. This is where

other family members, friends, and professional counselors

I need to intervene.

Don’t assume your child must have a problem. Some

children are very wise and when they feel safe and loved,

understood and supported, they grieve and heal on their own

road. This is especially true when they are included in the

the whole process. Pay attention to the signs that children can give

you who are fighting. In young children, observe

how happy they are, how often they cry, if they back up

their age or get angry, clingy and fearful. Tea

Older child may start wetting the bed, get into trouble

school, quit his hobbies and fight with you. The adolescent

you may withdraw or take dangerous risks suddenly. Some

children get sick to meet their needs. I have

I worked with a couple of girls who started to suffer

eating disorders after the death of a close friend.

A young man I met through my work blamed himself for the

suicide of a classmate in high school. Many years later,

suffered from low vitality and depression. No drugs

therapy would have started a healing process. At the time

death, he simply closed and became withdrawn. When

consulted me, did not have conscious access to

Hidden pain and emotional cause of your depression.

What can you do?

Be lovingly present and open. Let a child suffer

supportive environment. This will support emotional growth.

through learning how to deal with intense emotions

experiences and can prevent many diseases and dysfunctions

years later.

Love, physical contact, support for all ages

including them in what’s going on, talking about the loss,

giving space to be and feel. However, needs may change

with age.

Flower essences are wonderful allies. You can find a

doctor who will make a specific mixture or you can buy

some rescue remedy or emergency essence of your health

Grocery store.

Flower essences are gentle remedies made with the energy of

flowers. They are a support for the whole being during

emotional times.

Young children can benefit from drawing, sand play, and

stories. They often associate loss with separation and

abandonment, so you need a lot of peace of mind.

Older children need your honesty. Show them your

willingness to talk about what is happening to them. Wear

any perceived liability for the death of their

shoulders and allow them to be your age. Some kids

feel they need to take on a parenting role to

siblings or even father grieving as a result of

comments like, “Mom is up to you now.” Relieve them of

this load.

You may need to help them talk about their feelings and

find a meaningful ritual. It’s okay to ask them how

I would like to remember a loved one who has passed away. Agreement

some memories, scattering the ashes in a special place,

photos, plant a tree, spend time in the cemetery

after the funeral is over, listen to the voice of the deceased

favorite music are just a few ideas. Brings expression to

his pain through painting and drawing of feelings. Be gentle

With the child, encourage movement and play. This allows

healthy processing of your pain.

The adolescent needs to have opportunities to discuss

questions of life and death. Take the time to listen to your

feelings. Your beliefs and spiritual teachings will play a role

role in the way you speak, but be careful not to stop them

to feel and be open because you want them to see

The world the way you do

Children and adults bring their history to the event. How

Did you learn to deal with emotional pain? Is this the

first loss experience? Have you felt or buried these

feelings before? Are you so overwhelmed that you just

You don’t have the capacity to support anyone else?

Reach out to others, we are not meant to suffer alone!

If you know you have an unresolved grievance within you,

you may want to take your own steps toward healing now. As a

parent, you will be able to better support your child in

times of emotional pain. If you feel helpless with others

people’s pain, you may want to learn some new skills, such as

how to listen without judging, how to be present with love

without excessive care and First Aid protocols in

emotional emergencies.