Grief Triggers: I’ve Been Haunted

Have you ever come across a new word that sounds so good to you that you wonder why you haven’t heard of it before? I have found a new word of complaint. SQUEEZE! Coined by Therese Rando, it makes a lot of sense and sounds a bit more upbeat than Grief Triggers. I have been STUDIED! (Subsequent, Temporary, Grievance Increase)

STUGS certainly aren’t much fun when they happen.

There are the STUGS, which we look forward to, the days of anniversaries, birthdays and family celebrations.

Then there are the ones that come like a bolt from the blue. Those intense bursts of grievance that take you totally by surprise. They ambush you out of nowhere, triggering a bubble of pain emotions.

They can happen at any time and sometimes many years later. They are very common, very normal and are part of the grieving process.

While they can often catch you off guard, you can sometimes ‘guard’ yourself a bit.

– If you think a TV show is going to sting you, watch something else or limit your time watching the news. If you are worried about attending an event that has meaning to your loved one, seek help. Take a friend with you and put tissues in your bag.

– If you read something that stabs you in the heart, let the tears flow. As the tears flow, she knows another bit of pain is flowing out into the world. You have been touched by love.

– I really want to see Rabbit Hole. I know it will sting me big time. Therefore, I have to prepare. I have to choose the right moment to see it. I have to accept that I will certainly cry. I have to decide if it’s worth it? Is my desire to discover something more greater than my fear of my reactions and emotions? Its my choice

– Music is very emotional and can take us back in time. There may be times when you want to listen and remember and times when you don’t. It will also depend on your mood. Do what feels right to you.

Know that each time these things happen, you are learning more about your complaint. You are gaining an understanding of your own internal and external triggers. You are learning the art of self-protection. You are processing emotions. Every step of the way, you are acknowledging and accepting more of what is taking place, and in doing so, you allow healing to float into the wounded spaces.

For me the grievance will never be my friend. I see him as a business partner that I don’t particularly like but have to find ways to work with. I have and I am. you will too.