Do you doubt your husband’s love for you after his affair? These ideas might help.

This may surprise you, but often one of the main concerns after learning of a husband’s affair is not the wife’s feelings but her husband’s. If you ask very honest wives what their most immediate concern is in the first few days after the infidelity is discovered, many will tell you that what worries them most is not necessarily about sex, but about their husband’s emotional feelings. He worries about what her husband still feels about them and what kind of emotions he feels towards the other woman.

If you have never been the wife in this situation, this may seem quite strange to you. But you’ve been there as I have, you probably know exactly what I mean. You can be absolutely furious with your husband and insecure about the future of your marriage, and at the same time worry if the same man who betrayed you still loves you, oddly enough.

And while this process may sound strange, it actually makes a lot of sense to me. That’s because love doesn’t turn off like a faucet or run dry like a fountain. Disappointment or even pain does not make it stop right away. Even if you think your husband doesn’t deserve your love, you may still feel it. And then it stands to reason that you want him to feel this for you too.

I heard from a wife who felt the same way. She said: “Part of me hates my husband for having an affair. There are days when I want to have absolutely nothing to do with him. And then there are days when I don’t want to throw my marriage away. This other woman is not Not worth that. One mistake is not worth that. The biggest problem we are having right now is that I find it hard to believe him when he says he loves me now and that he never stopped loving me. I will immediately have horrible thoughts like him. I was not thinking about his love for me when he was with another woman. It’s so hard for me to understand how you can love someone at the same time you’re betraying them. And so, a part of me always wonders if my husband is lying. And when I question this, it wonders. He gets mad at me and gets discouraged. He says if I’m always going to doubt him, we better go ahead and get a divorce. But I can’t help it. What can you do when you doubt your husband’s claims that he still loves you despite you? what did you have an affair about?

My answer to this question may sound very simplistic, but I hope that doesn’t stop you from continuing to read it. The first thing I would say is that no one expects you to blindly believe what they are saying at this point. After all, he hasn’t been telling you the whole truth all along. So it’s completely natural (and even in his best interest at times) to have a healthy dose of doubt and not just accept his claims as truth. That said, you do have the ability to prove his claims. After all, if he’s sincere and truly loves you, he’s probably still committed to you, your marriage, and making things work. Nothing says you can’t suck it up, be open to work things out and see if his claims turn out to be true.

Another point I would like to make is that it is up to you whether you give your husband a chance to prove this to you. I mean, she can claim whatever she wants. But it is his actions and behaviors that truly indicate how he feels about you. If he does everything he can to help you heal and become the husband you want and need, if he does everything he can to improve and rehabilitate himself, and if he stays true to his commitments to you, then these things would be a pretty good indication that he really loves you.

Hear me when I say that we often doubt his love for us because our own doubts about ourselves are bothering us too. This is certainly not your fault, but being cheated on can really challenge any confidence you may have. And as you struggle with your self worth and self worth, it becomes much easier to doubt someone’s love for you. It becomes much easier to see your flaws instead of accepting your strengths. You must always remind yourself that you are the same person you always were and if he cannot see this, then that is the loss of him. The problem is that you often see this. It is we who have the doubts.

So take a look at your own insecurities and doubts and ask yourself if building your self-esteem could help you with this. Finally, for wives who have trouble believing in her husband’s love after an affair, I suggest you decide if you’re going to give him a chance to prove her love to you. And, if she thinks she’s going to give him that chance, then do everything in her power to make it count. If she needs help boosting her self-esteem, then it’s worth getting because it will not only make you feel much better, but it will give your marriage a fighting chance. It may seem very simplistic, but if you make a real effort to love yourself and see where you are lovable, you will find it much easier to believe that he sees the same thing.