3 Reasons Why We Need Proposals In Today’s Modern March Towards A Perfect Wedding And Marriage

Much of what we know as tradition is disappearing in today’s world. Often that happens because it is no longer relevant. It also happens because the “how” is not passed down from generation to generation, since generations often live in different places. And the formality is being removed. There are benefits to that, but we also lose a lot.

What was once understood as marriage is now happening in increments. This is not true for everyone, but for many the relationship trajectory looks like this. Couples meet and court. They consume the relationship. They move in together. At some point the decision to get married is made and the planning of the wedding occurs. People can have children together before that decision is made. At what point is the proposal important? When is it relevant? Should the couple have had marriage talks before the proposal happens? (Well, if you’re living together, you certainly should be talking about where you’re going next. If you’re having babies, you’ll want to establish a permanent relationship and financial responsibility.) I think there is real value in establishing, as you go through this process, a marriage pact. These are agreements you make about living together in love that are based on your desire and your values. These are the agreements that will form the basis of your wedding vows. Your story will need to be told at your wedding ceremony. And both the story and the promises will contribute to a happy and healthy marriage.

So why have a proposal?

1. human love romance. There is nothing more romantic than a carefully planned proposal. You need to adapt to current paradigms and relationships. But our sense of the romantic is firmly rooted in yesterday. The softer, the better. And love (and marriage) need big romantic statements.
2. We need formal boundaries to know when we move from one phase of the relationship to the next.. A proposal formalizes that movement. The decision to marry is usually joint. But the ritual of offering a heart and a hand and accepting clarifies that decision in our hearts and psyches. Humans are weird. We understand things symbolically. Proposals help us achieve that.
3. They all want to be asked. Is there anything more exciting than the idea that our partner wants to marry us? Once the decision has been made to make this a formal relationship, I think both of them should plan wild romantic escapades and ask their partners to marry them. Formally. With a ring and champagne and candlelight and great fanfare. It’s not just women who want to be asked! Men are just as romantic! Everyone wants to be loved and desired.

We need more and not fewer occasions to celebrate. Couples need stories to anchor their relationships. In general, marriages are made up of constant little moments, moments that build up day after day and year after year into a healthy and happy relationship. But make no mistake. We also need grand and romantic gestures to keep our hearts healthy and happy.