My first time and the lessons learned

I want you to remember the first great idea for a book that occurred to you. I know you remember it; no one ever forgets that first ambitious leap they made to writing. You know what it is: it is an idea that makes the earth tremble, that redefines ideology, that changes life. Is your baby.

I would like you to remember the moment when you had your first great idea for a novel, a short story or a movie. Do you remember that emotion you felt the moment you realized that this was your creation, how special it can define you for future generations? You hope to write that book that you know you have buried deep. You tell yourself that this will be your legacy; This book you are about to create will be so amazing that people will analyze your work for years to come.

Then he works so hard to jot down every idea that comes to mind. You rush, scribbling note after note after note, resulting in what appears to be the latest brainchild ever. You think about how the public will react when they get hold of this gem. By the time they finally get to the main ending, the reader’s head will explode, an angel will earn his halo, and every baby within a 5 mile radius will spontaneously burst into joyous laughter.

Finally, after blood, sweat, tears, and, in my case, almost setting my house on fire (proper candle placement should be taught in college), you finish your novel. It’s the first and because it’s so good, it should probably be the last. In fact, this is so solid that it will probably cause all professional writers to drop out because the competition is so stiff. Then you proudly give it to that person who has always believed in you and ask them to read it. Since mom is your biggest fan, she thinks this is better than gold. Turns out, he could have nailed a piece of mortadella to the side of an oak tree, covered it in Christmas lights and glitter, and would have compared himself to a Picasso in his eyes.

Lesson learned. Mother no longer reads my first drafts.

It has been confirmed, your story is amazing. Now is the time to quit my day job, because I won’t have time with my new writing career taking off. The strangest thing started to happen when I turned in my novel for people to read. It turns out that some people don’t exactly agree with the mother, but what do they know? This is the woman I have followed all my life; If it says it’s okay and that I should keep writing, that’s what I have to do. Thanks Mom. Encouraging me to keep going was one of the best things you could have done. Even if it was with a story that only had expendable, two-dimensional characters as deep as a teaspoon of vinegar, all the cliches I could think of, and I’m pretty sure, at one point, a monster with foothoofacles.

So, now is the time to edit. Choosing an editor / proofreader is a monumental task, and one must decide who to choose, or their work could be ruined. So after weighing up all the editors and their unique skills in the world, my choice was clear. Obviously I chose my main art girlfriend of 20 years and her friends to do the honors. They are the type of people who, when they watch a movie and hear the main villain say, “I’m going to kill you, Mr. Bond. In fact, I’m going to kill you so badly that in the end you will be dead.” , and when the undertaker sees his corpse, he’ll say ‘man, that guy really just got killed by a murderous killer who’s been terrorizing the countryside killing everyone’, “they’d ask questions like, ‘do you think they’re trying to Kill him? “So of course they were the perfect people to classify my obviously crystal clear logic and symbolism in my epic novel. I mean, how could it not be epic? It is made up of all action scenes with little to no dialogue ( because those things are boring anyway and no one really wants to know what the main character is thinking. It’s all about explosions and chase scenes).

It may surprise you as much as I am to discover that my first novel was not the success that I thought it would be. Actually, to be clear, it was a hit – it hit the bottom of my dresser drawer where it will be placed, never to open again. I’m afraid that if I ever opened the drawer to read it, the scene would resemble the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, in which the Ark of the Covenant is opened and everyone’s Claymation faces melt. I like my Claymation face too much to risk it.

We’ve been through all of this to get here. You could say I wasted months of my time crafting this terrifyingly ridiculous novel. I say it was just progress, and I have grown immensely as a writer since then. In the end, many valuable lessons were learned and that is all we can hope for. It is never a waste of time, as long as we are all constantly growing.

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