Mind Warrior – Vipassna Meditation

The mind is the most important

“Mastery of speech is good, mastery of physical actions is good, but whoever dominates the mind is a true warrior.” I don’t remember where I read this quote, but it left an impression.

Like many, I went through the midlife crisis and struggled to find answers to questions like, what is the meaning of life; What is my purpose and what is true happiness? I thought that if I could answer these questions then I could understand how my mind works and how I would master it.

He had heard of hypnosis and thought it would be an easy way to conquer the mind. I will lie down on a couch and allow a qualified hypnotist to perform surgery on my mind. It didn’t work! I came out of hypnosis exactly as I had come in. My mind was still restless. Then I went to see a healer and then a fortune teller in hopes of getting my questions answered. Each time I came out even more disappointed and confused.

I started doing my own research and almost all the research directed me towards meditation.

Just the word “meditation” puts me in a state of restlessness, as I am one of those who cannot stay still for even a minute and meditation is about quieting the mind and concentrating on a single thought.

But I had decided to become a mental warrior “As an archer points an arrow, a carpenter carves wood, the sages shape their lives.” The Dhamppada

I had to shape my own life as I was the only one in control. I had read about a Buddhist meditation technique called Vipassana. (Vipassana is a form of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between the mind and the body, which can be directly experienced through disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that interconnect and continually condition the life of the mind. It is this journey of self-exploration based on observing the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind, full of love and compassion. .)

Some friends had attended the 10-day course and left feeling transformed. I felt compelled to do it and thought I’d give it a try. All I had to do was have no contact with the outside world, eat two vegetarian meals a day, and keep a noble silence during my stay. Noble silence means absolutely not speaking or communicating in any way with fellow meditators.

That sounded like a challenge.

Well, I suppose the path to wisdom and mastery would require some sacrifices.

So I headed to Karnal (a small village in North India) on the eve of the 10-day course. There were a few others who signed up. I looked around to see the expressions on people’s faces looking for some kind of security, anything that made me feel like I would survive 10 days. He had heard so many people talk about how strict and harsh the regime was that needed security to be able to handle the so-called field of penance.

Around 6:00 p.m. M., We all met in the hallway where we were asked to dispose of personal belongings such as phones, books, wallets, notebooks, pens, etc. Anything that distracts us from total immersion in our minds.

When I started to reveal my life lines, I started to feel very uncomfortable and broke the first rule. I stuffed a phone in my bag, promising myself that I wouldn’t use it, but having it in my possession gave me the much-needed support structure. We were briefed on the rules and regulations and as of 8:00 pm that night would be the last time we would be allowed to speak for the next 10 days.

I was ready for the challenge!

Day 1

4:00 am the doorbell rings right outside my door, but I had been hearing sounds since 3.30 am because there were some quite enthusiastic attendants who had woken up at 3.15 am and were already queuing for toilets and shower. So, kicking myself and dragging myself out of bed, I went and stood in line for my turn to use the facilities. No one even recognized each other, we all stood there like zombies letting our imaginations run wild and judging each other in our MIND. Our monkey minds had not yet been tamed.

At 4.30 am, we all gathered in the meditation room and listened to a tape telling us what to do. Attention was mainly focused on breathing, the technique is called anapana in which one is asked to observe the breath only.

How the hell was I supposed to watch my breathing? Do I look for movement in my chest? Am I aware of the tiny particles of moisture that come out of my breath? What was I supposed to do? How is your breathing observed?

Well, all I was supposed to do was focus on my breathing and acknowledge incoming and outgoing breath without any judgment or expectation. Sounds easy, but trust me; it is one of the hardest things to do.

Waking up to the birds was starting to take its toll. Trying to control my breathing, I began to fall asleep. Silently I slipped to the back of the room and drifted into the land of dreams. However, my freedom was short-lived. In about 2 minutes or so I received a slight push on my shoulder; was one of the assistants. She very politely asked me not to sleep and to try to stay still. After all, I was here to learn how to meditate and the number one enemy of meditation is LAZINESS!

My food and accommodation was completely free, all I had to do was follow the 5 percepts (refrain from killing any being; refrain from stealing; refrain from all sexual activity; refrain from telling lies; refrain from all intoxicating substances). ) and behave in accordance with the established discipline code. It seemed easy at first, but only two hours after the first day and I wanted to run away and find my way back to the comfort of my bed.

6.30-7.00 am was breakfast time and from 7.00 to 9.00 was question and answer time with the teacher. Most of us ran back after breakfast and went straight to bed for a quick nap. I think I passed out; 8:45 the bell rang again.

We were asked to sit down for the next round of meditation which was from 9:00 to 11:30. Two and a half hours sitting cross-legged, eyes closed and watching my breath, I was losing my mind. He had absolutely no concentration; I couldn’t seem to concentrate. All I kept thinking was; Why was I doing this to myself? What madness had taken hold of me that drove me to such masochism?

Finally the bell rang, informing us of lunch time.

They all went straight to the dining room for a simple but tasteful vegetarian meal. Hunger and desperation made the food taste fantastic. Lunch was from 11:30 to 12:30 and then about an hour of freedom followed by questions and answers with the teacher.

At 2.30 pm, return to the meditation room for two more hours of breath observation. This time it was simply impossible to keep my eyes open, I started to nod once more, but this time I was awakened by this extremely cacophonic burp that reverberated in the silence of a pin drop. I came out of my reverie and they brought me back inside. No sound from anyone, and I was dying to laugh. I looked around the room, and only one other newcomer had a slight smile, but the rest were like statues, impassive and unaffected. In the next 9 days I heard so many different sounds that this seemed like a melody.

Somehow the day passed. 7.00 pm was the moment of the speech where we were told why we did what we did. This was the best part of the day. At least there was an explanation, to insanity.

According to Goenka ji, the modern guru of Vipassana, “Meditation means a continuous detachment from body, mind, name and form. We have to detach ourselves from day-to-day activities. Clear our mind of nonsense talk and bring Our Through meditation the scientific laws that operate one’s thoughts, feelings, judgments and sensations are clarified.Through direct experience, one understands the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or liberates oneself from suffering. Life is characterized by greater awareness, not deception, self-control and peace. “

By the time I got back to my room, I was completely in awe of myself. I had managed to go a full day without talking and without internalizing myself.

This was only day 1 … I had 9 more to go.

I could describe each day in detail; but that would take almost half a book, so let me cut to the chase and get to the part where I can share some real pearls of wisdom.

As I continued to sit cross-legged on the ground for the next 9 days, my whole life kept flashing in front of me. My achievements, my mistakes, my pain, my sadness and my joy. In the silence, I heard so much noise that I thought my brain would explode. As the days progressed, the noise grew louder. I hated every minute of being there. It felt like an experience out of a very dark movie where you are the only survivor.

On the seventh day I had a nervous breakdown. I cried until I had no more tears. I wanted to escape from what felt like a jail. I wanted to yell and yell and swear, I threw up and felt sick to my stomach.

I don’t think I was getting any wiser or calmer. Seeing my state of anguish, the teacher called me and explained what was really happening. I was undergoing a deep cleaning.

All our lives we continue to bury our sorrows and sorrows deeply. We repress our feelings and muffle our thoughts in external noise so that they transform into physical or mental ailments.

Seven days of complete silence and introspection had brought all deep-seated problems to the surface and were now being purged. I was experiencing the emotional and physical signs of release. The catharsis had begun.

After all the purges I felt much lighter and calmer. I no longer felt a prisoner. I felt liberated, not only physically but mentally.

Two more days of regulated life and soon we would be free to join the real world. The world we have chosen to create for ourselves. The world is filled with so much external noise that internal dialogue is completely muffled. The world where our ego is pumped and shattered. The world where we experience pain and joy like roller coaster rides. The world that we believe is real.

Finally the tenth day arrives. Now we can break our vow of silence.

By now something huge has happened. I could feel a transformation in my chemical makeup. I experienced strange energies that were almost orgasmic. I can’t explain it, but it felt like my whole being had regenerated.

He just didn’t feel like talking. This was a revelation; sadly, the urge not to speak did not last long. In about an hour I was back to my old talkative self.

But something changed somewhere.

No, I have not yet become a master of my mind, nor have I reached nirvana, but surely I have realized that I do not have to depend on hypnotists, therapists, healers and fortune tellers to tell me how to heal my life. life. All I have to do is dig deep enough and long enough.

Each person who attends Vipassana has a different experience, for some it is joyful, for some extremely painful, but for all it is life changing.

I would do it again?

I’d love to, but I’m still trying to muster up the courage.

I recommend?

Absolutely. Even if the only reason was “because it’s there”.