Discovering True Character – Love It or Eat It (2 of 4)

There are many factors that make up a person’s character, from genetics, upbringing, allergies, as some report having adverse personality changes when eating or drinking some substances, prescription and non-prescription drugs, hormones, and even beliefs.

In Judaism, the sages teach the wisdom of the true character of a person called The Personality of Blessings; the phrase Be’Kiso, Be’Koso yu has’Kaso, that is, for what is in a person’s pocket (what they spend money on), for their cup (how they respond to the temptation of alcoholic excesses) and for their temperament (can they control themselves when provoked?). There is another level of character: “af be’shako”, because of his game or how does this person use his free time? These are good things to find out about a potential partner during dating. Character is also deeply psychological.

For those who tend to mistrust or fear what they most want, a long-term intimate relationship is not possible. This paradox creates a sense of vulnerability and threat. Self-induced anger / fear defense mechanisms that are part of the allure of arousal are the bane of the relationship as there will always be attempts to dominate and control the other to reassert dominance and security. There is also a biological chemical evolutionary component.

The more erotic and sexually aroused stimuli, the more male-produced testosterone and androgen hormones are released, creating a highly emotional state in which the lines between anger, violence, or sex can become blurred. For some, this creates an irresistible drug that is addictive and is the main cause of sex addicts who crave haste and intimacy, but then realize its venerability and must dominate or sabotage the relationship and quickly move on to another.

For example, this is one of the reasons why some less evolved men cannot maintain a relationship with an intelligent, beautiful, powerful and sensual woman. The irony is that he is the most insecure less evolved person who will seek a weaker partner to reassert his need for superiority. The most insecure person will do everything in their power to disempower the other and when that fails, insecure people turn to the only weapons left to them which are emotional warfare or manipulation and passive aggression.

The 4 little ideas mentioned above (Be’Kiso, Be’Koso, u has’Kaso and af be’shako) may seem simple, but in the dating world they are essential. The story that follows is an example sent by a reader where her boyfriend, who absolutely subscribed to the Be’Kiso, Be’Koso, u’ve’Kaso, af be’shako philosophy and how he chose to show his true character. . It is also believed in these ideas that when a person’s anger rages, it also breaks ties with God and does not look the person directly in the eye. Let’s see if you can figure it out, there could be a test at the end!

A recent reader wrote about her experience dealing with extreme denial of her boyfriend’s anger, which starts out quite simply but then spreads to all 4 aspects of the character. He made no secret of the fact that she was the most exciting woman he had ever met. He’d invested quite a bit of time, energy, and even more creativity in creating a fun and sexy little outfit, making sure a romantic evening of theirs was especially romantic down to the exact shoes she knew he found irresistible. At first he seemed very grateful, but with a quick move he turned the tables for the worse.

She claims that she only weighs around 100 pounds and her boyfriend weighed almost twice as much. Obviously, without consideration on her part, he quickly moved her to a concrete floor for a more romantic purpose. She writes: “Before a fraction of a second could pass, my back was crushed and cracked up to the ribs.” Fortunately, he managed to escape quickly. However, she was in fact especially upset that they had both addressed this exact issue before and that it was especially painful for her and it was not something that could be done without serious injury to her.

None of this mattered or will matter to a person who cannot accept that there is something good in all aspects of character, including anger. The boyfriend never bothered to ask her why she was upset. In denial of the boyfriend, he immediately rejected both his feelings and hers. Breaking his own beliefs, he writes: “He stood up with his third cup of whiskey in hand, looked me in the eye and instantly gave up all the feelings he ever claimed to have for me.” Despite his tears of confusion, pain and being attacked, he didn’t give in, writing, “Nothing I said or did mattered. It was like I wasn’t even there. He had no reaction to me.” His true character revealed. Unable to face his own anger, he projected it onto her and rejected it, which was better for him than rejecting himself or admitting wrong.

Contrary to the next morning’s deal of mutual poor judgment, his anger type is passive aggressive, leading him to cheat on her with an ex and replace the most exciting girlfriend he’s ever had with a new car instead of contributing. his community were his previous goals.

Result: the former substitute left for the same reasons as four times before. However, you can still enjoy your new car payments that will never complain about any of its flaws. As for the euphoria of the new car; any man who rejoices more in a car than a woman is in the wrong woman, she just doesn’t try, needs the little blue pill, or is gay.

Here is the proof:

Can you tell where and when the anger could have been different?

What if he had asked what was wrong?

What if they both had decided to just laugh and move out?

What if when he was angry with her he expressed himself differently and not aggressively looking at her?

What if there was no or less alcohol involved, what if instead of a new car you invested in helping others or getting help or even healing?

Character: It is our most important choice because it is about who we are, what we do, and how we treat, love, or choose not to love others.